Ramblings & ephemera
Scott: Pronounce this word: A - G - I - N - C - O - U - R - T.
Robin: Why?
Scott: I just want to hear you pronounce it.
Robin: Welllll … I would pronounce it the way it’s spelled: Again-kort.
Scott: (starts laughing & snickering) Haha!
Robin: I *knew* that would send you into proxyisms of [...]
Posted on June 8th, 2008 by Scott Granneman
Filed under: Language & Literature, overheard | No Comments »
Denise is talking to our class about how people are slowly giving up their civil liberties, a bit at a time: “It’s like the story about how you gradually turn the heat up on a pot of water and slowly boil the lobster!”
(Hint: she meant frog.)
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Posted on April 20th, 2008 by Scott Granneman
Filed under: Language & Literature, True Stories, overheard | No Comments »
So a bunch of us are talking at the Central West End Linux User Group meeting. Somehow the topic of surgery during World War I comes up.
Robert: What was really bad was that those guys were operated on without any anaesthetic.
Me: Huh? Doctors had anaesthetic then.
Robert: They did? What?
Me: Ether.
Robert: Huh. How’d they deliver [...]
Posted on December 10th, 2006 by Scott Granneman
Filed under: overheard | Comments Off
From Entertainment News, 21 March 2004:
“Zombies Push Jesus from Top of North American Box Office”
(About Dawn of the Dead and The Passion of the Christ)
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Now that is one good insult
Posted on November 3rd, 2006 by Scott Granneman
Filed under: art, overheard | Comments Off
Saw this in an email sig:
Microsoft: Where do you want to go today?
Mac OS X: Where do you want to go tomorrow?
Linux: Are you coming or what?
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Posted on November 3rd, 2006 by Scott Granneman
Filed under: Technology | Comments Off
We went to see Troy last week. At the end of the movie, the Trojans drag the Trojan Horse into the city. They party, celebrating what they think is the abandonment of the war by the Greeks, and everyone collapses into a drunken stupor. Cut to the waiting Greek ships, hidden a few miles away, [...]
Posted on November 3rd, 2006 by Scott Granneman
Filed under: overheard | Comments Off
Joe (my cousin from England): I just read somewhere that the average house in Missouri has 65 brown recluse spiders in it.
Mom: Really? I wonder why we never see them if there’s so many?
Scott: Hel-loo?! Because they’re re-clu-sive! They’re not called “brown friendlies”!
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Posted on November 3rd, 2006 by Scott Granneman
Filed under: overheard | Comments Off
“You’re just creating a straw horse here!”
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Posted on April 16th, 2006 by Scott Granneman
Filed under: Language & Literature, overheard | Comments Off
We’re hanging out with Barry and Hilde, & the subject turns to pickup truck commercials.
Me: Here’s the voiceover: “If I have to choose between my truck and my woman …”
Hilde: You’d better choose right.
Barry: You’d better choose your dog. (pause) Dodge Ram Charger.
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Posted on April 16th, 2006 by Scott Granneman
Filed under: overheard | Comments Off
Jans & I work in the same room, about 8 feet apart, with our backs to each other.
Jans: What the heck is that?
Me: What is “that”? What do you mean by “that”?
(A couple of hours pass …)
Jans: Huh. Where is it? Do you know where it is?
Me: What do you mean by “it”? I have [...]
Posted on February 15th, 2006 by Scott Granneman
Filed under: overheard | Comments Off
Me (talking to myself): Where did I put that sweater?
Me (talking to myself, but in a different voice): Oh, there it is.
Denise: What was that?
Me: I talk to myself in different voices so it’s more like a conversation.
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Posted on February 8th, 2006 by Scott Granneman
Filed under: overheard | Comments Off
Denise is reading Ben Jones’ blog & laughing uproariously every minute or so. Then she finds a post that really kills her.
Denise (laughing): Listen to this one: “People make fun of the fact that I wear a Speedo when I swim.”
Scott: Like you are now.
Denise (outraged): I’m not wearing a speedo!
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Posted on December 30th, 2005 by Scott Granneman
Filed under: overheard | Comments Off
Denise Lieberman, 15 November 2001:
“I’m up to my earballs with work!”
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Posted on November 27th, 2005 by Scott Granneman
Filed under: True Stories, overheard | Comments Off
I start playing Norah Jones.
Denise: I really like this music.
Scott: You say that every time I play it.
Denise: And you say that every time back to me.
Scott: Well, somebody’s stuck in a loop, and I don’t think it’s me.
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Posted on November 27th, 2005 by Scott Granneman
Filed under: True Stories, overheard | Comments Off
From Nat Friedman:
For twelve months in 1998 and 1999, I went through this phase of trying to “diversify my interests,” and signed up to take piano lessons. My teacher’s name was Peter, this rigid Eastern European math major who instructed piano to idiots like me on the side. In our first lesson, I was showing [...]
Posted on November 27th, 2005 by Scott Granneman
Filed under: Commonplace Book, overheard | Comments Off
George Bernard Shaw supposedly asked a woman if she would sleep with him for a million pounds. Her demure response was “Certainly.” But when he asked her if she would sleep with him for 10 pounds, her response was “Sir, what do you think I am?”, to which Shaw retorted “Madam, we’ve already determined what [...]
Posted on November 27th, 2005 by Scott Granneman
Filed under: Commonplace Book | Comments Off
So I’m listening to Car Talk on NPR, hosted by Tom and Ray, AKA Click and Clack, the Tappet Brothers, and this woman calls in, and she says this:
Well hello, Click and Clack,
My name’s Mary Mack,
And I’m from Portland, Oregon.
And I thought, my God, but that scans really well. Try it — her meter really [...]
Posted on November 27th, 2005 by Scott Granneman
Filed under: Commonplace Book, On Writing, overheard | Comments Off
Back in November 2002, a bunch of us went camping in a cabin in the woods. Around midnight, we were sitting around the fire, talking. The subject of crime came up, specifically the statute of limitations.
Scott: I think the statute of limitations doesn’t apply only in cases of murder and rape.
Denise: That’s right.
Scott: What about [...]
Posted on November 23rd, 2005 by Scott Granneman
Filed under: overheard | Comments Off
Another quotation from my wife, Denise, in February 2003: “Your fly’s open. Wiiiiiide open.”
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Posted on November 22nd, 2005 by Scott Granneman
Filed under: overheard | Comments Off
From Ben Jones’ Benblog, in February 2003:
My friend Ben Jones talks about his feet, back when he was a waiter: “My feet are my lifeblood. Even after I’m done waiting, I don’t think I’ll ever think of my feet the same way. They have been my best friends over the last year, suffering through miles [...]
Posted on November 22nd, 2005 by Scott Granneman
Filed under: overheard | Comments Off
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